Learn to be assertive

Being assertive will improve your overall mental health and your self image.

Do people seem to walk all over you? In a group do you follow the crowd even if it isn't something you want to do? Do you feel like you have no voice?

If so you need to learn how to be assertive.

So what does being assertive even mean?

It means to communicate your wants, desires, feelings and thoughts in an honest way. If you are assertive you will communicate them in an approperiate way as well. This communication can be verbal or nonverbal. It requires you to be self-aware and to know what you want.

The most important thing it means is showing yourself the same respect you show other people.

If you don't assert yourself others are forced to make assumptions. Assumptions have less than a 50% chance of being right. Do you really want to have less than 50% a chance of having your wants, desires, feelings and thoughts known. Even lower is the chance that somebody will respect them.

There are many bonuses that come from being assertive. You will feel better about yourself and have more self-confidence. Imagine getting more of what you want from life! How great will it feel to have others treat you with more respect?

Passive: Always giving into others wants. You don't want to make waves so you don't express your thoughts or feelings. Are you afraid to say no? Do you disregard your wants? Think your needs are unimportant? These are signs you are a passive person.

Aggressive: An aggressive person is demanding and hostile. They can be rude. If you are insensitive or disrespectful, if you bully others into doing what you want, you might be an aggressive person.

A Passive-Aggressive person tells other what they think they want to hear in order to avoid conflict. This causes them to feel angry inside and they often don't follow through with what they say. This causes the other person to feel frustrated and angry. Many people don't realize they are being passive-aggressive an this can be irritating to co-workers and friends.

If you are a Manipulative person you attempt to get what you want by creating feeling of guilt in other people. Manipulative people tend to play the role of the victim or martyr. This causes others to take responsibility for taking care of the manipulator's needs.

Assertive: You are direct. You are honest and appropriate. You state your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants. An assertive person takes responsibility for themselves and shows respect to others. Being an effective listener and a good problem solver are signs that you are an assertive person.

Being assertive enables a person to act in their own best interest. It supports a person and helps them stand up for them selves. It helps to defuse anxiety.

1. Keep your conversation neutral. Diffuse your emotions and wait for the otherperson to be less reactive and more receptive of your conversation.
2. Use "I" messages. This is the most effective way to communicate what you are thinking and feeling. Use "I would like to tell you about my day without being interrupted" instead of "You always interrupt me".
3. Don't tell people what they are thinking, doing or feeling. Ask questions instead. Say "Are you angry about work?" vs. "Your just angry because they aren't treating you well at work."
4. Be as brief and direct as possible. It could hurt your communication if you were to be judgmental, condescending or sarcastic. Make the interaction be a positive one by contributing to it.
   
5. Don't be judgmental, be factual.
   
6. Avoid exaggerations. Tell somebody "you were 15 minutes late today and it is the fourth time you've been late this week" instead of "You are always late."
7. It is respectful to let the other person to respond without pressure. Make sure you pause and wait.
   
8. Listen reflectively. If the person becomes defensive about what you have to say respectively reflect what they have to say. You want to validate their feelings. 
9. Don't be derailed, stay focused on the original issue. Reassert your message if you have to. Help decrease emotionality, debating or arguing by using reflective listening. Don't participate in escalating things.
   
10. Know what you want the solution to be and focus on it. But don't demand that the other person respond as you do. Allow them to be a part of the problem solving so they don't feel railroaded.
    

Give the other person closure by ending it on a positive note. Tell them that you're glad you've had this conversation with them.